Five ways to alienate friends and relatives in an election year...or anytime, for that matter

1. Bring up the most controversial subject you can think of. Make it one that affects you personally. Do this preferably at a dinner where there is much wine and beer being served.

2. Become highly offended by a selected word that someone else used as part of the discussion. Choose one that has a big listing in the thesaurus.

3. Make derogatory remarks about jews, blacks, hispanics, asians, or white people or chose a religion to bash (lean toward the categories you don't fall into yourself).

4. Only allow others to say the first three or four words of each sentence before cutting them off.  Assuming what they are going to say with the rest of their thought just saves time.

5. If you perceive that anyone might be disagreeing with you, accuse them of being drunk and/or crazy.

Extra tips to help you along:
- Remember, yelling makes people understand better.
- Having the very last word makes you right.

Birthday Dinner Choices

The boy says, “Golden Corral for my birthday dinner.”

I say, “How about Olive Garden?”
 
“Golden Corral”
 
“Taco Bar?”
 
“Golden Corral”

 

*sigh* - "Do we have to go there?”
 

“But MOM! They have a CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN!”
 

Pause
 

“Oh . . .Why didn't you say that in the first place?”