There is a big media blitz on bullying going on. There's a movie coming out. Lady GaGa started a foundation. Radio and TV are filled with horror stories as the commentators act surprised and appalled.
The number one tip for parents to keep
in mind when raising their kids is that kids will do what you do, not
what you say. Unfortunately, the messages our actions send, as
parents and as a whole society, are too often the exact opposite of
our lip service.
Why do we expect kids to be all loving
and kind to each other when everything they see in society is not?
Bart Simpson spends all his time bullying his own father, and we find
it funny. Every movie and TV show geared for teens is about how to be
conniving, tough, or overly competitive. Batting around insults,
usually directed at one unfortunate character is the norm. Or, even
worse, we revel in the bad behavior of whichever reality TV star of
the day has done something violent or otherwise mean. The fact that
there is even a show called “Bad Girls Club” on cable is enough
to reveal that we, as a collective, do not promote the concept of
getting along.
The current political campaigns are another
grand demonstration of how to bully. Each side spends a lot of time
and energy directing verbal arrows at the other, designed to encourage public hate. This includes digging up embarrassing history
about the candidates to
spreading lies that slam the opposition's dignity. These are vicious and continuous verbal assaults on one individual, backed by
some kind of gang (here the political party or Super PAC). I'm sorry, but that is the definition of bullying. And
in this case, the one who is the best at calculated bullying, often wins.
Few of us in the real world could withstand it.
As a country, we lord the threat of
violence over other counties. Basically saying, do what we say or
we'll pound you. Then we wait for countries, like Iraq, after school
and screw them up.
Then there is the realities that don't
get broadcast so much until it blows up. Let's start with the mortgage debacle of the 2000's.
To get what they wanted, people in the banking industry lured in
unsuspecting people who should never have qualified for a home loan
and gave it to them. First acting all nice and friendly, then turning
on them and ruining their lives. Is that not bullying?
In the office, I've often seen people –
well dressed and educated adults – engage in career backstabbing,
rumor mongering and office politics in order to put others down and
get ahead in business. This especially comes screaming out when the
prospect of layoffs is on the table or you are competing for
clients.
So why are we so surprised and when we
find out that kids are bullying each other? We act like we were never
in school ourselves and that we don't promote and witness bullying on
a global scale.
I think it's great that people are finally talking
about it and actually saying out loud that it needs to change, but I
have a hard time seeing how that is going to happen if WE don't
change our own actions. And, I don't really see that happening
anytime soon.
